I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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