You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
