Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
