did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
worst night to have a conscience
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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