Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
