also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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