A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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