Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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