I looked at my own cervix.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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