I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
