you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
