Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
