My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My breasts were aching with rage.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
