he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
