WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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