i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
