I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
