i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I look better un-naked...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize