So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
