last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
