Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
