sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
