He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
