If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
