paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
