was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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