Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
