went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
