Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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