Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
love makes seman taste better
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
