She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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