So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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