Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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