As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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