Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
