I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
