I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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