I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
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