five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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