He called his prostate his "boner button".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
