im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
