I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
