I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
