He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm passing your future prison.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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