He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
