Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
