I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
