to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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