Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
