So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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