She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
