and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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