just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Randomize
