you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
