Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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