just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
