So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'd cum for enchiladas.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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