Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
