i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize