There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
being pregnant is like rehab
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
