Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
