best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize