omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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