things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
