I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
