sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
