Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
