Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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