i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
