im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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