Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
