In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
