The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
