I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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