I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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