I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
