i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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