also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
