she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
