I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
