I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize