if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Randomize
