My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
