Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
