He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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