I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
