The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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