grandma shit on top of the toilet
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
