there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize