Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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