Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
