Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
