holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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